Thursday, August 16, 2012

Being Comfortable in our Own Skin

Self-confidence is a trait that makes all of us beautiful. It’s more important than the right clothes and hairstyle (although those things can help!).  It’s easy to spot a self-confident person and we’re not talking about the self-centered bore who constantly brags on herself or acts cocky. We’re talking about a self-confidence that allows one to actually forget about self, not worry about the “impression” she is making or constantly worrying about how she looks.

I lacked self-confidence in my younger years. I always thought someone else was cuter, more popular, having more fun, happier, had more money, more friends. Well, you get the idea. But the older I got the more self-confidence I developed. I stopped comparing myself to others and celebrated my strengths and accepted my weaknesses. I am finally happy with who I am, what I have accomplished and my status in life. Does that mean I have reached the status quo and am no longer striving? No, not all! I still have my dreams, plans for what I want to accomplish and am making plans for a wonderful future.

Each of us is a phenomenal person in a different way; we have different dreams and aspirations. I think there are some universal rules, however, that can inspire all of us to change or improve our attitudes and become even more self-confident women.

    We must learn to like ourselves. If we don’t “like” ourselves, then we must work to determine why and set out to change it if we can. Maybe the face we show the world is not really “us,”, or who we consider ourselves to be, but in the deep recess of our hearts and souls, we must ask ourselves who the “real” me is and take steps to get in touch with that person.

    We must stop trying to blot out the “bad stuff.” We must accept our past mistakes and appreciate that those mistakes have made us a better person. No one else remembers; you shouldn’t either.

    We must not play the “blame game.” We’re adults now and should not blame an unhappy childhood or someone who hurt us years ago as the cause of our problems today. Seek counseling if you need to work through these things.

    We must dream; we must have goals.

    We must live life passionately. Be excited about something!

    We must accept our limitations. We should not push ourselves past what we can’t handle or try to handle more than we are capable. Set small, doable goals to begin with. Baby steps before giant steps. Doing it will make you stronger. We are not perfect; we all make mistakes and sometimes it takes more than one try to get where we want to be.

I offer the above list only as guidelines to get us thinking. I’m sure numerous books have been written on each of those topics, so the list is just a “jumping off” point for further study.

The following quote is from Lisa McCourt, a best-selling author, from her article, Top 10 Ways to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin.

“Being comfortable in your skin and living with authenticity is knowing precisely who you are and passionately adoring who you are—with all the countless accoutrements and benefits that come along with that practice. You are spectacular. Not the elaborate representation of You that you routinely show the world, but the raw, uncensored, vulnerable You underneath all of that. Find that You and learn how to deeply love and honor that You. That’s feeling blissfully comfortable in your own skin, and it’s the secret to everything you’re longing for.”


  1. In a bad flu right now, but I reserve a place to comment on this one, once I´m able to write!

    1. Oh, that stinks that you are sick! So sorry and hope you'll be feeling better very soon.

  2. If we could just like ourselves as much as our dogs do! (In my case, they're my son's dogs.) But never underestimate the value of psychotherapy when you can't like yourself. The right therapist can work wonders. And raise your IQ score, too.

    1. Heh-heh! You are so right, Beryl. Really? I did not know psychotherapy could raise your IQ; good enough reason for all of us to make an appointment!

  3. Such great thoughts here - sometimes its so hard not to blame others for our failures but the older I get the more I realize it's up to me to overcome things and put the past behind.

  4. One of the great things about aging isnt it?

  5. I agree with Edith,and one that is a constant work in progress with me....also believe TRUE love of self is the real self confidence,even with the best therapy one can slip back,you can work with certain tools to help with 'slip back'.
    I can tell when 'black dog' hovers at my shoulder,sometimes he bites for 24/48hrs..other times I can 'slap'him off.

    My therapist called it the smiling face that hides our pain.

    Until we truely care,love ourselves we cannot love others it took me years to understand that...but part of ageing makes things clearer. Ida

  6. But isn't it great that our lives are a constant work in progress? Never a dull moment. I imagine if all of us were honest we'd admit we have down times when the black dog is hovering. Loving ourselves enough to pull away from it is the key, though; I totally agree with you.

  7. Ok, feeling a bit better now.
    Only having reread your post, I realize you practically covered and said it all!

    I´m not saying that " I love me ", but I can say, that " I accept myself ". I know my weaknesses and I believe I have some strengths too, only I still find it hard to pull them up.

    Having gone through my past, has ridden me of the shame, I carried for years.
    Today I can look at my past, see it as it was, and have been able to let go of the negative feelings. There is no anger/ bitterness anymore.

    Only when I meet people, who somehow remind me the people of my past ( the ones who caused anxiety in me ), I will pause for a moment.
    Do I have the strength to deal with these personalities right now, or would it be wiser to keep a distance and do some more healing/ analyzing of my feelings.
    Feeling envious to/of something/someone, is yet to be experienced. Or maybe the feeling is just packed tight inside me.

    I feel confident about myself. It does not mean, that I am always satisfied with everything I say and do, and there are also those " bad days ", when I feel like hiding my head in the bush.

    Pondering about clothes - I do very little of that.
    Naturally fashion and design interests me, and I keep my small amount of clothes updated, but there are so many other things of more importance to me right now, always has been, and in the future will be too - I hope!

    1. I was glad to know you have recovered.
      I think it's understandable that meeting people who remind us of someone from our past and a bad memory associated with that person can drag us down. Like you, I try to avoid those at all costs.
      Neither am I envious or jealous of anyone or anything. I never want to compare myself with others.
      I'm glad you bring up the issue of clothes. I too, have been known in the past, and somewhat recent past, to obsess about clothes and what I wore. But not so much anymore. I started reading blogs by reading fashion/style blogs a couple of years ago and enjoyed them, but as time passes, I find them less to my liking. I think there are so many more important things to know and learn. Not saying the style blogs are not good; just that for me, in my personal journey, that subject matters less than it once did.
      Thanks for your comments!

  8. I'm catching up with posts but wanted to say I think being comfortable with oneself is one of the great perks of maturing.


    1. Darla, I couldn't agree with you more. I have seen my acceptance of self definitely increase with age.


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